Shirley Tong

I had an amazing experience yesterday at Kiwanis. Shirley Tong. Utah Mother of the Year, was the guest speaker. She is LDS and spoke about the challenges and trials she faced as a newly married woman with a husband who had some childhood baggage from growing up in an alchoholic family. She learned after they were married about his struggles and his anger and abuse. She talked about how they overcame these challenges. It was very moving and I feel something that every person should hear.

Here is just a glimpse of what she wrote:
Most of us would acknowledge that we don’t really know our spouses well when we get married but, after the honeymoon, when we get down to the nitty-gritty of daily living, we begin to see weaknesses and faults in each other. We tend to conclude that if only our spouse would change this or that, things would be much better.
James B. Cox says that our spouses can be our biggest enticements or problem! This also means then that they can be our greatest blessings! Someone has said that we either marry or give birth to our biggest challenges!
Not long after marrying, however, I was shocked when he exhibited extreme anger over a small incident! I wondered where it came from! After the children came, as he struggled to provide, he suffered depression from time to time. When he felt good, he was fun and loving, but, when stressed, his behavior was bizarre and angry. I used to feel embarrassed and responsible when my husband would scold me in public when he got angry, but I learned to teach him later in private, so he stopped doing it. (He was doing what he had grown up with.) Psychologically, I learned to let go of taking responsibility for his bad behavior: when it happened, I’d say to myself, “Well, he’s choosing to act like a boob and he’s responsible for this choice; and any sensible witness can see that he’s lost it.” Letting go is liberation!! Let him have the kind of relationships he cultivates and let him take the consequences so he can learn for himself. Develop healthy boundaries.

Tyler's Birthday - 19 Years Old

Tyler turned 19 on Satarday and had one of the best, somewhat bittersweet, birthdays. He decided to go through the temple for the first time on his birthday. He is certainly growing up as he called the temple and made all the arrangements himself. He decided on the Oquirrh Mountain Temple as it is his favorite ever since he went to the open house. Uncle David was his escort and not only did we get to rejoice in Tyler going through but we were able to do some work on our family history. He was so excited and kept saying this was the best birthday gift.

After taking some pictures me, Ty, my parents, and David met Onkel Michael and Tante Kristina & Scott, with Kate at Ruby River Steakhouse. I unfortunately had gained too much on my diet so was not eating. Everyone else enjoyed a nice meal. We had a card for Tyler that we presented with his birthday gift written inside. We didn't tell him what it was - Sky Diving at 3:00 p.m. It is something he has always wanted to do and my mom thought it would be a great birthday gift. He was so excited and surprised. Of course we have it all on video.

Here is the bittersweet - My mom had not been feeling well this week and in the temple felt really weak. At the restaurant she got really sick and passed out. We had to call an ambulance and Kristina went with her to IMC Hospital. Michael & David went with me and Tyler for his sky diving appointment. We were able to stop by on our way back and visit with her. She was released later that day and is doing much better.

Sky diving was at Sky Dive Utah located in Erda near Toelle. We had never heard of this town but looked up directions on the Internet. Everything went smoothly and Tyler got right in for his appointment. We purchased a video and picture package of the jump. He wasn't really that nervous although there is a little apprehension on his face as he jumped out of the plane but after that it was all smiles. He had a fantastic time and wants to do it again and get certified when he gets back from his mission. I will post pictures of the day later. It was one of his best birthdays!Thanks to Mutti, Michael, and Kristina for giving him such an amazing opportunity.

EFY

Tyler left for EFY at BYU yesterday. I had serve pancakes at the Kiwanis breakfast from 6-9 a.m. and tried to make it home in time to see him but he had already left. So after stopping by my parents house I went home and back to bed. I was just getting comfortable @ 11:30 when Tyler called. They didn't provide any sheets this year. They say to bring them but each year the school supplied sheets. So I ran down to BYU and dropped off some sheets and a pillow. The rest of the day I just laid around and read or watched TV. Didn't do anything. Ahhhh!

Doctoral Student

I'm officially a doctoral student now. I just completed my one week of orientation and start my first class on communication today. Not looking forward to the homework or the extended class weeks but am praying that I enjoy the learning and development of my thoughts and new processes. The beginning is always the most difficult and I am glad to start marking off the days. Started at 1,095 days (three year program) and already down to 1,088. I don't know why but I get great satisfaction from marking things off and seeing things decrease. It makes me feel like I am making progress.
My mom is so cute. For my birthday she wrote on the outside of the envelope "Dr. Heidi Sanders, wie klingt das?" It sounded pretty great.

Diet Update

Going really well. I have not lost 13 lbs. Only two more to get back to my normal weight. Plus, only one more week of taking the drops and then we start adding back in more veggies, protein, and fats for another three weeks to help stabilize our bodies. It hasn't been too bad and usually I'm not very hungry. There have been times when I crave sugar and want to munch on caramel chocolate popcorn, candy bars, and ice-cream. Or just shove my face into a cake or cupcake. But I resist the temptations and don't even want to go there. I know that once I give in I will not be able to stop. In the evenings I drink a licorice flavored tea, which has a sweet after taste, that I now quite enjoy. At first a little too sweet for me and strong. I am looking forward to adding in cottage cheese, cheese (so yummy), and yogurt next week. Most importantly, I feel great. Everything fits loose and I no longer have to worry about what to wear or get out my fat jeans, etc. I can also start exercising again next week and may slowly begin to start running again. I figure I have conquered this hurdle and maybe I can conquer the hurdle of starting to run. It is the start that I struggle with. Just don't want to get out of the house but once I start I love it. Michael is also doing fantastic and has lost at least 20 lbs. He looks like his old self again.

Stadium of Fire

I was offered on Thursday two tickets to the Stadium of Fire, which is held each year in Provo at LaVell Edwards Stadium. I went home and asked Tyler if he were interested in going and he said yes. This year's entertainer was Carrie Underwood. I think she is a cute girl but not really in to country music and so didn't know any of her songs. I called around to see if I could get a parking pass across the street at the banks office. Fred was really helpful and I stopped by Saturday morning to pick up the pass. We decided to get there early this year as last year the bank's lot was packed, despite the $20 parking fee. We walked down a block to Panda Express so Tyler could get some dinner and just talked. We met some other bank employees there and chatted with them, primarily about the book "The Hunger Games." If you haven't read it - you need to! I even had someone chat with me about it when I was down in St. George. We then walked back to our car and the lot was still practically empty. It was not a sold-out show as it was last year with the Jonas Brothers. Last year was a nightmare getting out. People didn't really start filling up the stadium until 10-15 minutes before it started. We had a good time, and of course great chair seats from the bank. Tyler took some great photos which I will have to download. The main excitement from the night was when one of the fireworks was supposed to shoot up, from the right fixture by us, into the air and went straight into the audience on the other side of us. The fly over by Hill Air Force Base was perfectly timed with the national anthem, which Underwood came out and sang. She did a great job. The other performers were great. The Five Browns performed and as long as you do not look at them you are fine. I'm sorry, but I think they are freaks and I wish Juilliard had taught them to play without the dramitics and pinched faces. It looks so unnatural. The firworks were amazing but again this year didn't really like the music played with them. I wish it was more patriotic. Tyler took some great photos which I will have to download later.